I am still a spring chicken, so I need to get a spring in my step

Today I tried a water zumba class (this sample is soooo not my teacher or classmates from today!!!)
Overall, I give the experience and workout a 7 out of 10 for several reasons. First, I definitely worked out so I feel accomplished (hence the number is above a 5). I used muscles and got my heart rate going so any movement is good movement. But... I was disappointed for many reasons. First, I was the youngest person in the class. There were a few thirty-something people, but I was clearly the youngest. This  made me feel like a failure and an uncool person. Because I was in a class with a bunch of old people. Now there's nothing wrong with older people, I am almost thirty for goodness sake! But being surrounded by them for my workout made me feel inferior amongst MY peers. Even though I really enjoy water exercise, I felt old prematurely and embarrassed for younger people to see me in that class. The second thing that made me uncomfortable is that many of my classmate had some sort of medical issue or injury. Even the teacher had a brace on her knee. This annoyed me but it also scared me into wanting to do even better for my body because I don't want to get diagnosed with an illness or add unnecessary pressure on my joints because of excess weight. Again, this made me feel embarrassed that I was doing exercises that injured people were doing. Everyone was also morbidly obese like myself and this too made me feel bad about myself. There was one lady who appeared to only be about 50 pounds overweight, but everyone else, including myself was at least 100 pounds over. I kept thinking "what's wrong with me that I can't do the really hard workout stuff, like running, hiking, weight lifting, biking, etc."  During the class I also felt silly when the teacher encouraged us to sing along to songs like "Everyday I'm Shuffling", "I Like to Move it Move It"  and something by Pitbull. First of all, those are not my favorite songs to listen to and I didn't sign up to sing. I signed up to work my body! Lastly, the movements were definitely dance moves and it was hard for me to execute them properly because of the resistance of the water. This is good because it makes you work your body harder, but I was mad that I couldn't do simple dance moves like I know I can on dry land. Despite these disappointments, I did work out and think I got a pretty good one in.  Tomorrow I am going to try another type of water aerobics class, so we shall see...

In the area of work, I've decided to start crafting again. I crochet, paint and make invitations and scrapbooks, make jewelry, cake pop stands, and anything else I can teach myself!  I started a business a few years ago but it was on a part time basis. I've decided to use the money I earn from creating (something I absolutely love) to fund my other consulting business. I am excited about creating again. It truly doesn't feel like work.  In the past year, since being pregnant, I scaled it back a bit, only making a few things for my son. I thought I would have gone overboard since I usually do for other people's baby gifts. But surprisingly I felt an enormous amount of pressure to make his stuff bigger, better and more beautiful than anything I had ever made. I attempted 4 times to make a neutral blanket for my child while pregnant, but each design didn't seem cute enough so I would start over or just plain stop. Now that I've met my son, I think it's easy for me to create things especially for him and not a unisex baby. I have a few friends who have expressed interest in some winter items (scarves, hats, mittens, etc) so I hope to get some more orders in the next few weeks. I plan to use twitter, facebook , this blog and word of mouth as my marketing tools.

In the mom department things are cool. He is 2 1/2 months and we need to start working more consistently on a routine/schedule. I have attempted here and there, but it's real easy to fall off since I stay at home. If I were going to work everyday he would have to adhere to a schedule too. I am letting him cry more and don't run over and the first sign of crying.  He can definitely see more and notices when I am not in the room. He wants to be able to see me all the time, so I am working on teaching him to self-soothe. I read "Babywise" by Gary Ezzo and it gives a guide to how you can successfully fed your infant, place him on a schedule and get him to sleep through the night at an early age. I love my son! He is such fun! I love it when he sees me and starts smiling! He is holding his head up more, blowing bubbles and cooing up a storm. It feels really good when he enjoys playing with me and listening to me sing or talk. He prefers adult talk, not that baby stuff!

So I have a plan: This weekend I'm going to dinner with my girlfriends and I plan to get thier help on a few things. First, some crafting orders for the winter and holiday season. Secondly, I am going to propose we workout together in some way. Of the 8 of us, 1 person is very active but everyone else has highs and lows or doesn't do anything at all. 1 person used to be an athlete, 1 dances, a few cheered, so I think this will be good for all of us to get healthy with each other's help.  We have done some group thinsg in the past like a cycling class, but nothing on a consistent basis. We are all too young (and too cute) to not be healthier. I've had some individual conversations with a few of the girls, so  I don't know why I didn't get this idea sooner! I have some ideas so we'll see what they are intersted in doing...

a bump in the road, not the end of the road

I have fallen off the workout bandwagon :( I am honestly not even surprised, becasue this is my noraml M.O. The newness has worn off a bit and I am not as motivated as I once was. Since my son got his first set of immunizations (2 months)  this week, I have not have the energy (or the desire) to workout. He was cranky, lost his appetite and very lethargic. He was not his usually smiley self. I have been vigilantly taking care of him, making sure he didn't get a fever and ate enough and spent many hours comforting him while he screamed incenstantly. He kept me up all night, causing me to want to sleep during the day and therefore I haven't worked much on my business ideas or my weight goals. I have however, done great with my eating habits. I resisted the temptation several times to eat sweets, junk food, and soda so I have at least one achievement to be proud of this week. I also set up a  dinner date with a friend to bounce some business ideas around, so the week was mildly productive. I'ts the weekend now and I have a few things to do Saturday, so I won't be able to go to the gym, but Sunday starts a new week and renewed commitment! What's important to me this time, is getting back up when I fall. In the past, missing a day or two has caused me to outright quit. This time, I want those missed workouts to just be bumps in the road, not the end of the road. I promised myself, my husband and my son that I would make lifestyle changes and I taking it one day at a time...

insomnia

I can't sleep. It's about 3:30 am and I've been up since 1. Saadiq starting waking up and coming out of his swaddle at 1 and I tried to put him back to sleep for an hour but failed. I guess he was hungry so I fed him and then he was out like a light, but now I'm up! I wish I could fall back asleep, but for some reason I can't. I think it's because I have a thousand thoughts running through my head. The grocery list, Saadiq's doctor's appointment tomorrow, when I am going to work out tomorrow, business ideas and other junk! I checked email, fb, twitter, looked up recipes, but I am still wide awake! Now, I am going to mindless search the internet for random facts and hope that lulls me to sleep...

4 days in and I missed 2, well 1...

So, today is the 4th day of working out and I skipped a day already. Normally this would be fine, but I wanted to try working out everyday to begin this journey. Since my son is still so young, I don't want to take him to the gym's daycare yet, so my husband and I alternate workout times so one of us can stay with him. Well, I overslept yesterday and by the time I woke up, it was time for my husband to go to work. So, today I got back on the bandwagon, and I am happy to report that since beginning, I have lost 2 pounds!

Tuesday, October 4th, I worked out with a trainer... felt like I was dying! I only worked out on the treadmill for 5 minutes, but it was 5 super intense minutes. The incline was on 6, I had to jog (something I despise) and then once he stopped the machine, I had to manually keep it moving for 2 minutes! WTH! I thought the point of the treadmill was the electricity that runs through it, duh! I then went on to do series of arm curls, leg lifts, hip thrusts, squats and bench press. Even though I was embarrassed, self conscious and ready to quit several times, I'm glad I didn't. All three days I worked out, I made lots of excuses in my head (and aloud to my husband, hoping he'd give me the OK to not go) and tried to dissuade myself from going. I blamed my lack of sleep and pending chores, but ultimately when I looked at my son, I knew I needed to go. Working out with the trainer was by far the best workout. It was one of those workouts that had  me not wanting to eat afterwards or even the day after for fear of undoing all the HARD work. I know that I don't push myself like a trainer would, but each day I go, or do something active is a step in the right direction.

In the past few days I have also made some great connections for my business and learned a lot from a friend who is already doing some of the work I wish to do. It is refreshing to exchange ideas with passionate people. I really hope that by working for myself, I will get that satisfaction that makes me feel like I'm not working at all. Many people say "when you find a career/job you love, you won't work a day in your life." While I've had some great jobs that I've been deeply dedicated to and through which have helped a lot of people, it very certainly felt like work. I guess it was the working for someone else, when I know I am a born leader. However, I don't regret it because you have to follow before you can lead, therefore making you a better leader.

It's been hard to do research for my business while caring for my son and caring for the house. The past three days he has been very fussy ans gassy, I think even a bit constipated. It's really hard taking care of someone who can not talk. I can obviously tell he is in pain, but I am really guessing on what is causing the discomfort. He finally settles down, but it is unlike him to cry for so long. He really is a good baby and only cries when he needs something. I am trying to not spoil him by not picking him up every time he cries but there are times when I am trying this "tough love", he doesn't stop, I pick him up and then he passes gas or burps. Then I feel bad because he wasn't being a cry baby, but was calling out to me because he needed me. I desperately want to be a good mother, so when this happens, I feel like a failure.  He is finally a sleep but should be waking in an hour, so until next time....

The Beginning

I am uber excited about blogging! I chose this time in my life because I am have recently and will in the near future, embark some new opportunities in my life. First, I recently became a mother! Something I have always dreamed of and I am so thankful to God for choosing me to be a mother. My son is almost 2 months old and a big ball of joy! I am still getting used to caring for him each day and balancing that with other areas of life, especially since I am severely sleep deprived. Many people kept telling me while I was pregnant to "sleep now" and "save up sleep" but there is no preparation for this! I got plenty of rest towards the end of the pregnancy and there is no such thing as saving sleep. I am always in need of a nap! Despite sleeping being a personal hobby, I am learning to live with out it. If I can get 3 straight hours, I am elated!

Since learning I was pregnant, my mind shifted to wanting to work from home. In addition to becoming a mother, I wanted to be a stay at home mom, to give my children the best start I think possible. I secretly thought this wouldn't happen, since both me and my husband come from homes where both parents worked. Thankfully God also blessed us with my husband's job so that he is able to support us so that I can do just that. Thus, the second new beginning is working for myself. Yet another dream I thought deferred. I am in the very early stages, but I plan to start a non profit and  a consulting business. I have worked in social services and health care in my professional experiences and I desire to help people THRIVE, not just live. I thought this dream would come much later in life, after I continued working for someone else and gained capital and experience, but in my desire to stay at home with my son, I feel now is the time. I have lots of support and resources around me and I can't wait to get started.

The last "new beginning" is my lofty weight loss goal. I have struggled with being overweight for the majority of my short life and it's been something I have been eager to conquer. I don't know of any underlying emotional issues that cause me to struggle with weight.  I just attribute it to growing up with parents who taught unhealthy habits for eating and living sedentary lives. For a while I blamed them for my obesity, but in the past few years, I realize that I am an adult and if I want my body to look and feel different, I have to own my transformation. I am SO thankful that despite being overweight, I have never suffered from any medical problems, even during pregnancy. I was really scared when I got pregnant, because I was sure the additional weight gain would cause the diseases I had been ducking to finally catch up with me. I was scared that my baby would suffer in utero or be born with some sort of problem. I am so thankful that none of my fears came true. However, it is time that I own this problem and do something to change it. I don;t want my son to see me like this, or for me to not be able to do everything with him. I hope that this transformation will happen so soon that he won't remember me like this. I also MUST do this to set better examples for the people I want to inspire to make changes in thier lives.

So, with all that going on, I decided to chronicle my ups and down that are sure to come with weight loss, starting a business and motherhood. Two of the three beginnings have been longtime dreams of mine that I continued to push aside. I hope those of you who read this blog are inspired, empowered and supported to tackle the dreams that you have.  Too often, we make excuses and let fear win. This is no longer my story. I am determined to create the life that I want to have. We only get one life and I want to THRIVE in mine. I hope that my journey can  somehow help someone else to THRIVE ( verb 1. to make steady progress; prosper 2. to grow vigoursuly; flourish).