So, today is the 4th day of working out and I skipped a day already. Normally this would be fine, but I wanted to try working out everyday to begin this journey. Since my son is still so young, I don't want to take him to the gym's daycare yet, so my husband and I alternate workout times so one of us can stay with him. Well, I overslept yesterday and by the time I woke up, it was time for my husband to go to work. So, today I got back on the bandwagon, and I am happy to report that since beginning, I have lost 2 pounds!
Tuesday, October 4th, I worked out with a trainer... felt like I was dying! I only worked out on the treadmill for 5 minutes, but it was 5 super intense minutes. The incline was on 6, I had to jog (something I despise) and then once he stopped the machine, I had to manually keep it moving for 2 minutes! WTH! I thought the point of the treadmill was the electricity that runs through it, duh! I then went on to do series of arm curls, leg lifts, hip thrusts, squats and bench press. Even though I was embarrassed, self conscious and ready to quit several times, I'm glad I didn't. All three days I worked out, I made lots of excuses in my head (and aloud to my husband, hoping he'd give me the OK to not go) and tried to dissuade myself from going. I blamed my lack of sleep and pending chores, but ultimately when I looked at my son, I knew I needed to go. Working out with the trainer was by far the best workout. It was one of those workouts that had me not wanting to eat afterwards or even the day after for fear of undoing all the HARD work. I know that I don't push myself like a trainer would, but each day I go, or do something active is a step in the right direction.
In the past few days I have also made some great connections for my business and learned a lot from a friend who is already doing some of the work I wish to do. It is refreshing to exchange ideas with passionate people. I really hope that by working for myself, I will get that satisfaction that makes me feel like I'm not working at all. Many people say "when you find a career/job you love, you won't work a day in your life." While I've had some great jobs that I've been deeply dedicated to and through which have helped a lot of people, it very certainly felt like work. I guess it was the working for someone else, when I know I am a born leader. However, I don't regret it because you have to follow before you can lead, therefore making you a better leader.
It's been hard to do research for my business while caring for my son and caring for the house. The past three days he has been very fussy ans gassy, I think even a bit constipated. It's really hard taking care of someone who can not talk. I can obviously tell he is in pain, but I am really guessing on what is causing the discomfort. He finally settles down, but it is unlike him to cry for so long. He really is a good baby and only cries when he needs something. I am trying to not spoil him by not picking him up every time he cries but there are times when I am trying this "tough love", he doesn't stop, I pick him up and then he passes gas or burps. Then I feel bad because he wasn't being a cry baby, but was calling out to me because he needed me. I desperately want to be a good mother, so when this happens, I feel like a failure. He is finally a sleep but should be waking in an hour, so until next time....
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